:)

I have come to a few conclusions.

1) I am going to be unemployed this summer. 13 applications later and I am still jobless. All of the applications of course say experience required… well let me ask you something… HOW I AM TO GET EXPERIENCE WHEN YOU WONT HIRE ME?? I am not sure what I am going to do all day for 2.5 more months.  I can only read, tan, workout and repeat for so long and I will be cooped up with the Mother for the whole summer! I am more than slightly frightened. I predict world war 3 to break out late June or early July.

2) I have a new standard for dudes: They have to share my love/appreciation/desire for breakfast burritos. Surrrriously. Breakfast burritos are the ULTIMATE food. You can even eat them on the go.  Just the thought of cheese meeting a delicious tortilla and bonding with fluffy scrambled eggs in a bed of sausage makes my mouth water. It is probably a good thing I can’t find a place in Indiana that serves breakfast burritos 24/7 because I am sure they are all I would eat.

3) I HATE RUNNNING….. but really it sucks. I just want to be one of the girls who can  casually say she ran 6 miles in the morning with a bright and chipper smile on her face that makes it seem easy. Those girls are freakin liars. Running is hard, and boring, and I look like a goon doing it. But I told myself I was going to learn how to love it… so far my love for it equal my love sharks/ dolphins. Hopefully by the end of summer things will get better.

4) I am obsessed with the new Lee Brice CD. This song in particular: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0liNLHmvKY

and yup that about all that is going on in my life lolz. 

"The more things change, the more they stay the same"

Do you ever just take a second, look around, and wonder where you are and how you got to this point in your life? It amazes me how everything can change in just two short years, yet so much can stay the same. Coming back home to Ponder seems like time has stood still. The cicadas still let out their low  therapeutic hum from the trees when the temperature  starts to rise. Gas well trucks still threaten to run me over every time I try to walk on our street; they think smiling and giving the occasional nod or wave makes up for their behavior… it doesn’t. And the train never fails to come right when I am running late to go into town. Life just seems to move at a slower pace here.

Coming home is always a bit of a shock. It reminds me how much I have grown and changed; mostly for the better and a little for the worse too. I feel like I am forever frozen as 18 year old Tori here, when that is far from the truth. Falling into my old self is easy and still fits me perfectly like a worn baseball glove.

At 18 I never really imagined I’d stop dancing, but I think I also knew deep down inside I didn’t want to major in it.

Joining a sorority in high school never crossed my mind, now I couldn’t imagine life without my sisters.

I sure as hell didn’t think I would miss Indiana. Texas will always be the superior state. I’d take cows, hay, and horses over corn any day, but every once in a while I’d kill to be at Butler University.

I’ve learned its pretty hard to get frost bite, and you really don’t need to worry about it. Oh, and that the rumple strips aren’t for motorcycles to get traction in the rain.

I’ve learned to be independent, but to know that some things are just too big to handle on your own and that it is okay not to know the answers all the time. 

I’ve learned in order to love others, you have to love yourself first. And that hugs, while they still make me cringe a little, can turn a day around. 

Most importantly I have learned that people in your life will come and go, its up to you to find a place for them and sometimes that place is out of your life completely.

I blame all the grads of 2012 and all the pictures they keep posting on facebook for putting me in this weird mood lol. 

Life Update

Real quick florida-life update

1) I made it until day 5 with out getting horribly burnt. I’d say that’s a success. However, my scalp feels like it is on fire and I don’t think it is ever going to recover and I have all sorts of tan lines. fail.

2) Ocean animals still freaking terrify me. I SWEAR I saw a shark while swimming the other day. I was out of the water like a bat out of hell… but the mother swears it was just kelp… hmmm likely story if you ask me. Maybe when we get back to Texas she will admit to it.

3) I had Cuban food for the first time ever and it certainly wont be the last. It was delicious! I was in pulled pork heaven. New life goal: eat my way through cuba.

4) I went kayaking for 4 hours, which was 3 hours too long.

5) We saw manatees. I mean I guess those are cool? My mom sure seemed to love them and forced me to watch them for 30 minutes each day we are here. I even saw them making baby manatees bahahahahahahahah

6) We learned how to grill on a charcoal grill, its not as easy as it looks.

7) While I was kayaking I felt like I was Pocahontas in a canoe and kept hoping John Smith would appear.

8) Florida sunsets are almost as good as Texas ones ;)  

9) I still desperately need a job.

10) My goal is to be able to run in a 5k this fall. I need to find something to replace dance right? Basically I am going to force myself to like running, and think about all the cute running outfits I can wear. hahahah

So there you have it my Florida/Life update. In other news I am obsessed with Lady A's song " Dancing away with my heart."

One last thing I swore I wouldn't blog about people anymore... but I am going to break my promise haha.  I wish I knew what the heck you were thinking. thats all. 

mile 312

The Texan has landed in the motherland!!!! After 20 hours of traveling I can happily say I am home safe and sound.... but getting here was no easy feat.

Whoever said, "Its not about the destination, but the journey" LIED. My journey home was terrible. Today at mile marker 312 in Oklahoma we got a flat tire. We were driving along happy as can be and then the car started shaking violently, next we heard a huge pop that sounded like half of the car fell off,  and then it was over the and the damage was done. My car basically no longer had the back right  tire.  

The Mother, being the safety freak that she is, demanded that we get out of the car and go stand in the middle of the ditch as far away from traffic as possible in the hot sun.... naturally I wasn't happy with  plan but complied. A highway patrol officer came to check on us.  He was very nice, once I determined he wasn't a murderer posing as a cop... you never know these days lol. I gave him the once over figured him to be pretty legit... and his name was Doyle... you can't get more cop like than Doyle... 

The tow truck came in about 15 minutes which was amazing because Triple A said it would take at least an hour. However when the little old trucker got out of the car and saw me he made me get up from my comfy seat in the grass and say hi to him. He then showed me his arm which had a little black bug on it and informed me that it was a TICK, and that the ditch  I was sitting in was infested with the little devils!!!! I started to itch as soon as he told me about it ( actually, I am itching right now thinking about it haha), thankfully I somehow managed not to get any of those little blood sucking creatures on me. 

We got all settled in the tow truck and got going.   I figured this little old man couldn't be a murderer, for he was too sweet. Just as the thought crossed my mind he randomly pulled off the side of the road and I thought we were done for, he surely was going to kill us. BUT NO, he instead illegally went through a gap in the concrete median to turn around crossing 4 lanes of traffic while saying, " I bet y'all haven't done this before". I seriously about died, I thought a car was going to hit us for sure.

Once we got turned around he continued to explain it was a good thing we were skinny and pretty or else no one would have helped us out here... and he was making eyes at MY momma... no one makes eyes at The Mother but me!!! He also told us he would take us the back way to Walmart to get our tire fixed  which made my murderer radar spike.

Thankfully we made it to Walmart in one piece and the little old man was very nice. We were back on the road in 2 hours and I lived ( murderer free) to tell this story. 

No Longer the Baby

I haven't blogged in forever. I think its because so much has been in my head that I didn't know where to start. Seriously y'all, it may not seem like it but i am thinking all the time. I wish I could just turn my head off and stop analyzing... but I can't.

Today I have great news to blog about... I have conquered  my fear of babies!!! You're probably thinking how can someone be afraid of babies??? Well here are 3 reasons they terrify me:

 

1) They are so tiny and breakable which made the thought of holding one terrifying to me. What if  I dropped  her? Or accidentally hurt her?? I'd feel soooo terrible. I am very happy just watching them from a  distance that way my accident prone self can't cause harm.

2) They drool. I HATE drool, and really spit of all kinds. Baby drool makes me want to vom, dog drool makes me retch,  and cow drool... ewww I just don't want to think about cow drool.  Babies should be born with a tray that attaches to them that catches all of the drool and dispenses it elsewhere.... far far far away from me.

3) They spit up... if there is one thing I hate worse than drool its spit up.... which is odd because I don't mind throw up. go figure. 

As you can imagine my fear of babies is problematic, especially because my beautiful new baby cousin, Amelia, just came into the world. Alright, I will admit it I am a bit jealous. I was the baby of my biological family until this little dumpling came into the world. (And when I say dumpling i mean dumpling... this child has rolls on rolls on rolls). I LOVED being the baby. Call it only child syndrome or whatever you may, but nothing seems better in my eyes than being the baby. Giving up this title to Amelia wasn't easy, but I have come to terms. 

I have made leaps and bounds this month. No longer am I as freaked out by drool,  I accept that it is part of life and she is not doing it on purpose. Drooling all the time must be a hard life for a baby lol. Amelia can hold her head up and sit up so I no longer feel like I will break her and would be very content to just hold her little stout body forever. Spit up... well... spit up still freaks me out... but that's what rags are made for.  Plus her bubbly little smile and deep blue eyes make it all worth while.

Yes, I am proud to say I am facing my fears one baby at a time and Ms. Amelia is very patiently helping me. 

Lobster Spotting

Right now I should be at the gym, trying to rid my body of excess fat to please the sadists of butler ballet, or even studying for my sociology test tomorrow... but I thought blogging seemed like a better idea instead. Good life decision? I think yes :)

Its my favorite time of the year. No, not because it's the week before valentines day and there is a surplus of chocolate wrapped in pink foil available on every corner. The fact the crazy shark like girl scouts keep stalking me in and out of Starbucks trying to pressure their irresistible cookies on me has nothing to do with it either. 

Its free tan week at suntan city!!!!! Not what you were expecting right? Well you'll be happy to know I am not getting cancer in the bed of death this year, but that doesn't stop me from playing my favorite game: Spot the incredibly sunburnt person! Seriously, it is so entertaining. If you get bored in class just look around the room I will guarantee you will find at least one girl resembling a lobster. There is always that poor soul who is whiter than they think and gets overly ambitious in the tanning bed... dreaming of bronzed perfection . You'll see the peelers, those who get really red in an awkward spot, and the unlucky blister-ers.  In one week somehow the majority of the female population at butler goes from looking like the underbelly of a fish to golden as a graham cracker. Its a miracle!

On a more randome note: 

But really I do. I love his voice, and his performance in Invictus=Amazing. If he can't narrate my life I guess I would settle for him reading me a bedtime story every night. 

OH and I REALLLLY want this kitten. 

More posts to come :)

High School throw back

Dear you,
You don't know this, but you have taught me one of the hardest lessons in life: Don't hold grudges. In 8th grade during our crazy dramatic times, and one of are many catty fights that people loved to watch and encourage, you said you couldn't be friends with someone who held on so tightly to past grudges. I probably came back with some great witty jr. high response and acted like I didn't care at all about what you said, but well that was a show. I actually cared a lot.

Our years of being best friends for life only lasted until about sophomore year, and to tell you the truth I don't even know what really happened there, but I do know I have carried that lesson you taught me around in my pocket ever since and am still trying perfect it ( sometimes I do better with it than others lol but cut me a little slack at least I try right??). And this little basic story book lesson has come in handy. I probably wouldn't have a relationship with the mother at all if I hadn't learned the hard way to forgive and forget.

I've learned keeping built up resentment towards people causes more harm to myself than to anyone else, not to mention is a huge waste of time and energy. Practicing forgiveness is the only way to get better at it, and I feel like over the years I have had my fair share of practice. Sometimes I'll admit certain things still stick like a nasty nightmare caught in a dream catcher in my heart, but I am more willing now to wake up and move on with my day.

So I guess I want to say thanks, for teaching me how to forgive the hard way, and that I have wanted to tell you a long time about the lesson I learned.